I have been doing a lot of thinking these days. . . There are so many decisions that must be made. . . Some are big and life-changing. . . and some really aren't. From what to wear each day or what to order when going out to eat to what to study in school or where to live and everything in between. . . The opportunities to CHOOSE something. . . anything, are endless.
Most recently, I had decided to move north. . . for many reasons. Well, on moving day, I changed my mind. . . Kind of threw a wrench into things and frustrated myself and my children, which wasn't my intention. Among the other reasons for my change of mind, I think I was afraid. . . Afraid to leave the familiar. My kids and I have lived here since April of 2010, and though we've seen neighbors come and go, and even though it's too small and loaded with problems. . . In a twisted way, it's still HOME.
Well, I have been doing some more thinking (an activity that I strongly support . . . hahaha!) on the subject of FEAR. . . I don't normally consider myself to be a fearful person. . . Although I am a happy person 99% of the time, I know that I need to make some changes in my life that will most definitely add to my happiness. . . I need to make these changes without fear of failure. . . I need to remember that there is adventure in change.
. . . I love the idea of getting a change in perspective, learning something new, traveling new roads around new people and places. . . Taking the new and making it an old friend.
Today I took some time to DREAM for awhile. . . I dreamed about who I wanted to be. . . what I wanted to accomplish. . . what places I want to see, touch and smell. . . where I want to live. . . All kinds of things. Dreaming fills me with light. . . The one thing about life that I love is that in some ways it always subject to change. . . Am I going to be one that is afraid or will I boldly grasp the steering wheel in my "dream car" and drive into the unknown. . . . .
Well, because of those dreams today, I have begun to set goals for myself. . . I remember once my mom telling me a thought she had about me when I was young. . . I seemed to have a strange fascination with being in the middle of the road. . . I was very little and my mom had a difficult time keeping me inside the house. . . She locked the doors and I learned how to unlock and open them. . . She put those grippy things on the door knobs, but I just pulled them off and opened the door. . . So she tied the grippy things onto the doorknobs since she was certain that I couldn't figure out how they worked. . .But I did. . . Eventually my mom found another way to keep me inside the house and safe. . . (But that is a story for another time) :) . . . Well, she recognized my determination and she thought to herself that all she would need to do is teach me the right way to live and that with my determination, no one would pull me off my path. . . Well, I've made my share of mistakes and I've allowed people at different times in my life, to pull me off that path. . . But I am in charge of my life and my happiness. If my life is going to blossom into the beautiful dream I have in my head, I have to do things differently . . And I'm going for it!
