SEMESTER'S END....

I can barely believe it... I am just about at the end of my last fall semester of college. Today I gave a presentation with a fantastic group from my Gender Communication class. We decided we wanted to dress professionally....

So... We all wore bow ties. Yes, we really did.

My Family Communication class... is complete and guess what...I have an A in the class!

I just barely completed the final test in my Communication Research class and guess what... I have an A in the class!

I have turned in the necessary form and written paper on my Internship... and I'm HOPING I get an A, but time will tell on that one.

I have ONE more thing to go... A final in my Gender Communication class. I'm hoping for an A on that... but for now, I have an A in the class and that makes me very happy.

I have decided I like being happy, so I'm just going to keep being that way.

Can you get the hint from my stunned look on my face up there that I can't believe I only have ONE more semester left of college and then I can GRADUATE?!

I'm ready... SO ready!

This is LIFE. . .

It has been quite some time since I last shared a thought or two. . . or more on this blog of mine that I frequently forget exists. . . So here I go again. . . . 

I have been doing a lot of thinking these days. . . There are so many decisions that must be made. . . Some are big and life-changing. . . and some really aren't.  From what to wear each day or what to order when going out to eat to what to study in school or where to live and everything in between. . . The opportunities to CHOOSE something. . . anything, are endless.  

Most recently, I had decided to move north. . . for many reasons.  Well, on moving day, I changed my mind. . . Kind of threw a wrench into things and frustrated myself and my children, which wasn't my intention. Among the other reasons for my change of mind, I think I was afraid. . . Afraid to leave the familiar. My kids and I have lived here since April of 2010, and though we've seen neighbors come and go, and even though it's too small and loaded with problems. . . In a twisted way, it's still HOME. 

Well, I have been doing some more thinking (an activity that I strongly support . . . hahaha!) on the subject of FEAR. . . I don't normally consider myself to be a fearful person. . . Although I am a happy person 99% of the time, I know that I need to make some changes in my life that will most definitely add to my happiness. . . I need to make these changes without fear of failure. . . I need to remember that there is adventure in change.

. . . I need to remember that LIFE is full of adventure, change, happiness and opportunities for growth. . . and that is certainly nothing to be afraid of. . . 
. . . I love the idea of getting a change in perspective, learning something new, traveling new roads around new people and places. . . Taking the new and making it an old friend.  


Today I took some time to DREAM for awhile. . . I dreamed about who I wanted to be. . . what I wanted to accomplish. . . what places I want to see, touch and smell. . . where I want to live. . . All kinds of things.  Dreaming fills me with light. . . The one thing about life that I love is that in some ways it always subject to change. . . Am I going to be one that is afraid or will I boldly grasp the steering wheel in my "dream car" and drive into the unknown. . . . . 
Well, because of those dreams today, I have begun to set goals for myself. . . I remember once my mom telling me a thought she had about me when I was young. . . I seemed to have a strange fascination with being in the middle of the road. . . I was very little and my mom had a difficult time keeping me inside the house. . . She locked the doors and I learned how to unlock and open them. . . She put those grippy things on the door knobs, but I just pulled them off and opened the door. . . So she tied the grippy things onto the doorknobs since she was certain that I couldn't figure out how they worked. . .But I did. . . Eventually my mom found another way to keep me inside the house and safe. . . (But that is a story for another time) :) . . . Well, she recognized my determination and she thought to herself that all she would need to do is teach me the right way to live and that with my determination, no one would pull me off my path. . . Well, I've made my share of mistakes and I've allowed people at different times in my life, to pull me off that path. . . But I am in charge of my life and my happiness. If my life is going to blossom into the beautiful dream I have in my  head, I have to do things differently . . And I'm going for it! 

LIFE


IS


NOT


EASY!


          


       The end
                   until my next post. . . :) 

Normal but not Nice

Last night after getting my kids to bed I decided to turn on a movie while I folded some laundry. I picked an old favorite that I hadn't watched in awhile - A Knight's Tale. This movie has some fantastic lines. . . so funny!

 As I was watching it last night though, something else in the movie, besides the humor, popped out at me. Several of the characters pretended to be someone different than who they actually were. William, a humble thatchers son, pretended to be a noble knight. Prince Edward, heir to the throne, pretended to be a regular knight. A few other characters also pretended to be someone different than who they really were as well. Although their reasons for doing so made sense and the ending turned out to be good for them, William especially, and although it's just a movie, it was still a deception.

 It got me thinking about how common place it is for people in real life, like the characters in A Knight's Tale, to pretend to be someone different than who they really are. . . Sadly, it is common place to deceive. I understand someone wanting to put their "best foot" forward. I understand someone wanting to make a good impression. I understand someone wanting to BECOME that ideal person. However, when a person hides their very basic nature from those around them in an attempt to impress or win others, any connection that is desired will be tainted and will never last. One's true self will always emerge, eventually.

This isn't meant to be a long or drawn out post. . . I was just thinking how important it is to be true to oneself. To be true in every sense, but also, to not be afraid of change or improvement, in order to become the very best self we can be. Perhaps these thoughts occurred to me because my Velveteen Principles book finally arrived in the mail yesterday and I have thoughts of being REAL on the brain.

The long and short of it is. . . true happiness is more likely to be found in our hearts and in our relationships (all kinds) if we are true and sincere in our very basic nature. If you have flaws, and we all do, work to improve yourself, not to hide yourself.

Okay, I am stepping off my soap box now and putting it away. . . but I will definitely be pulling it out another day. . . .So, until then, love who you truly are and then you'll be able to love those around you and they will love you as well.

Time

TIME. . . We all want more of it. . . Some of us wish we could go back in it - do things again. Some of us wish we could speed it up- pass through difficult times more quickly. A frustrating thing about TIME though. . .it is constant. . . The hours in a day, the days in a week. . .and so on and so forth. . . don't change. We all have the same amount given to us. But we certainly don't all use it the same way.


I have been thinking more about TIME the last few days. . . Well, to be honest with you. . .I have been thinking about TIME for a very very long . . . well, TIME. :) I have wished for more TIME, to go back in TIME , and for TIME to speed up.
I struggle a bit with impatience sometimes. Right now, there are some great blessings in my life. . .but there are some great struggles as well. . . We all have them. I am trying to not wish this TIME away. I am trying to notice and appreciate the blessings all around me. I have 5 beautiful children and though it is difficult to be a single mom. .. it would be more difficult to just be single.. . So, though it's a struggle, I am grateful for it. I am grateful for them.


 I decided that my kids needed more of my TIME. . . One-on-one TIME is the best, but that is a tall order for a single working mom of five kids. Well, the other day a thought came to me and I liked it. . . 5 kids. . . 5 nights a week (Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday) after getting all the other kids to bed, I will let one of the kids stay up for about 30 minutes so we can spend some TIME together. Last night was Adam's Night. . .We played Moods, studied spelling and vocabulary words, talked about making his Pine Wood Derby car. . . and just talked for a bit. He went to bed with a happier smile than I've seen in awhile.
Tonight it was Sarah's Night. We played Moods (my kids love that game) and read a long bedtime story. .She gave me many kisses and hugs before heading off to bed. I am hoping for a happier feeling in my home
 and more favorable interactions among my children.


I also have my own personal TIME. . .I need to use it more wisely. I have many things that I love to do. . . But I don't do them that often. It is TIME to change that. It is TIME to become more creative and productive. I want to leave my mark on the world. I want to do something, in addition to raising my children, that makes a difference. I will come up with something. . . I will take the TIME to think about and plan ways to spend my TIME doing those things that I love and hopefully the things I do, other people will love too.


TIME. . . do some good with it. :) 

The Velveteen Principles

Last night I was talking to my friend, Sharon, who read an excerpt to me from one of her books, The Velveteen Principles. I am a book lover and I had heard of the Velveteen Rabbit - I have that book - but I had never heard of The Velveteen Principles. What she read to me made me get a little teary. . . yes, I am a girl and I've recently discovered that I cry like other girls. . . It's rather foreign to me still, but I am getting used to it. . .I am learning to be REAL. . . to be true to my emotions and not shy away from them. . . . Well, I went to Barnes and Noble today to purchase the book. . . but unfortunately, they didn't have it. . . BUT I did order it and it should be here this week. :) Oh, happy happy me. :)
Here is what can be read from the jacket of the book. . . . (I found it on Amazon.com just so I could share it here. Yes, I'm sweet to share.) :) hahahaha
       "There is a difference between superficial beauty and the inner beauty we all possess as unique human beings. One is the product of a materialistic culture, which reduces us to the things we own and the milestones we accomplish. The other is the result of a life well lived, where our struggles and challenges make us more lovable and truly ourselves. Inner beauty, the kind you can feel and others can see, is what happens when you stop chasing false ideals and become the REAL person you are meant to be. 
      The Velveteen Principles is a guide to becoming real - REAL with yourself, REAL with your hopes and desires, REAL with the people you love, and REAL with everyone else, too. Through the simple wisdom of a children's classic, this road map helps you strip off the trappings of the object culture and remember the things that make you unique, happy, and worthy of love. And it shows you that,  just as it was for the Velveteen Rabbit in Margery William's enduring fable, Real is a process that is sometimes intimidating and sometimes painful, but in the end far more rewarding than could ever be imagined. 
      In a time when the pursuit of instant gratification and the stress of daily life can swamp you and cause us to "break easily or have sharp edges", this book offers a safe and steady course toward peace, self-acceptance and true love.
     It is easy to lose our way. It is easy to forget the simple joys of life. But with the help of a wise old skin-horse and a sawdust-filled bunny, The Velveteen Principles will set you back on the course to Real and remind you that Real isn't something you become, it's something you already possess deep inside of you. and once you are Real, your life will be transformed." 
I AM SO EXCITED TO READ THIS BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                                                  Are you? . . . ARE you?! :) :) :)
 Never in my life have I wanted to be like everyone else. . . I liked being a bit different. There was one time, I guess now that I think of it,  several years ago, that I met a gal at church who, in my mind, was the perfect woman. . . and I decided that I wanted to be just like her. . ..  However, it didn't matter how hard I tried. . . I couldn't be her. . . I could only be me. And I have learned that being me, and you being you, is WONDERFUL!
I am going to be reading this book very soon. . . and when I have begun it. . . and until I finish it. . .I may share little tidbits here and there with you. :) If you read it, I want to know what you think about it. :)
Until then, go, be true to who you are. . . love what makes you different from the rest.
                                                                           Be Real :)

Justice?

Okay. . . I have some venting to do! A brief history first. . . When I was getting divorced things had gotten pretty bad at home with the way my former spouse was behaving. I needed to get myself and my kids out as soon as I could. My former spouse told me that he wouldn't help pay for the divorce and had taken over the finances (a job I'd done for 14 years) so I didn't have the means to pay for an attorney. I went to a legal document preparation place and the woman there drew up the papers for me. I didn't know what kind of numbers or anything else to put in the papers so I did something really foolish. ..  I asked my former spouse what to put on the divorce papers. I stupidly figured that he would be as fair to me as I would be to anyone else and I let the document lady know what to put in the papers. She looked at me funny but she could not, by law, give me any legal advice. I had my documents prepared and within a week, my kids and I moved. 

Well, shortly after moving I started to realize that it didn't matter how fair or how cooperative I was with my former spouse. . . He was NOT going to be that way with me. . . NOT AT ALL. He was very late with child support. . . every month, if he even paid anything at all. . . We were nearly evicted from our apartment a few times because I couldn't pay our rent (I was working but didn't make enough even for our $600 a month rent) and there were several times that my kids would be crying as they heard me talk to our apartment managers on the phone. .The kids would be crying about being kicked out and not having a home. I let their dad know about how distraught the kids were each month because we weren't getting child support on time. I let him know how the kids needed shoes or socks or underwear or coats and how I needed the child support for those things and yet nothing changed on his part. He would repeatedly change his plans for visitation. . . either being extremely late or changing the day last minute or just not showing up at all. 

I eventually reached my limit and knew that something needed to be done to fix this situation. Try as I might to figure out some of this legal stuff on my own. ..  I just didn't have the time or the quiet time necessary (I have 5 kids remember) to figure it all out. So I decided to seek for help. Eventually my plea on Facebook for help in understanding legal things was heard by my wonderful Aunt and Uncle. They told me that they had a wonderful law firm that owed them some money for services which my uncle had provided to them. So, I all the sudden had an attorney. MY PROBLEMS WERE FINALLY GOING TO BE SOLVED! . . . . .Or so I thought. Well, the first step was going to be to get a Change of Venue. Seems pretty simple to move my divorce from one state to another. Well, a month after I first talked to the attorney on the phone, still nothing had been done. I had tried to contact my former spouse to get some information from him but as always, he didn't respond. Within a week of having mentioned in a text to my former spouse about me having an attorney and needing some info from him to Change Venue I received some Change of Venue papers from HIM in the mail. I was very irritated about it considering that I had been trying to get my attorney to do it for a month and my former spouse found someone who got the paperwork off within a week. 

Before I go on and on about more stuff. . . I'll cut right to the chase. My uncle received a statement from the law firm for the amount of "work" the attorney had done so far and the bill was for $4300! It also said that there would be $2000-$3000 more in work. . .unless it goes to trial and then it would $20,000+!!!!!!!!!! My Uncle's $ in trade work had been used up. . .and for what?! What had they done? What had they accomplished?! A BIG FAT NOTHING! 

I had never understood all those lawyer jokes or snide comments UNTIL NOW! Now I am at a loss to know what to do to help myself and my kids through these legal issues. . . I am so disappointed with the attorney profession. I wish that I could be an attorney. . . so that I could not only help myself in this situation, but also so that I could help other people. . .so that I could REALLY help other people with their situation. .. not help them to clean out their bank accounts and their families bank accounts. 

When voicing my irritation about my attorney not accomplishing much, a friend told me something. . . "Lawyers will do anything they can to make the most amount of money by doing the least amount of work"

A truer statement was never spoken!

Now, the optimist in me believes that there must be at least ONE attorney, but hopefully more, that really works hard for their client and is fair with fees and such. 

I am one who wants so much to believe that people, in general, are good and honest and fair to their fellowmen. So, I have this plea. . . if anyone who actually makes it through reading this very long venting session knows of an experience in which an attorney was a real hero and not a real shark. .. I want to know about it. Leave me a comment to help restore my faith in attorneys. :)