LIFE


IS


NOT


EASY!


          


       The end
                   until my next post. . . :) 

Normal but not Nice

Last night after getting my kids to bed I decided to turn on a movie while I folded some laundry. I picked an old favorite that I hadn't watched in awhile - A Knight's Tale. This movie has some fantastic lines. . . so funny!

 As I was watching it last night though, something else in the movie, besides the humor, popped out at me. Several of the characters pretended to be someone different than who they actually were. William, a humble thatchers son, pretended to be a noble knight. Prince Edward, heir to the throne, pretended to be a regular knight. A few other characters also pretended to be someone different than who they really were as well. Although their reasons for doing so made sense and the ending turned out to be good for them, William especially, and although it's just a movie, it was still a deception.

 It got me thinking about how common place it is for people in real life, like the characters in A Knight's Tale, to pretend to be someone different than who they really are. . . Sadly, it is common place to deceive. I understand someone wanting to put their "best foot" forward. I understand someone wanting to make a good impression. I understand someone wanting to BECOME that ideal person. However, when a person hides their very basic nature from those around them in an attempt to impress or win others, any connection that is desired will be tainted and will never last. One's true self will always emerge, eventually.

This isn't meant to be a long or drawn out post. . . I was just thinking how important it is to be true to oneself. To be true in every sense, but also, to not be afraid of change or improvement, in order to become the very best self we can be. Perhaps these thoughts occurred to me because my Velveteen Principles book finally arrived in the mail yesterday and I have thoughts of being REAL on the brain.

The long and short of it is. . . true happiness is more likely to be found in our hearts and in our relationships (all kinds) if we are true and sincere in our very basic nature. If you have flaws, and we all do, work to improve yourself, not to hide yourself.

Okay, I am stepping off my soap box now and putting it away. . . but I will definitely be pulling it out another day. . . .So, until then, love who you truly are and then you'll be able to love those around you and they will love you as well.

Time

TIME. . . We all want more of it. . . Some of us wish we could go back in it - do things again. Some of us wish we could speed it up- pass through difficult times more quickly. A frustrating thing about TIME though. . .it is constant. . . The hours in a day, the days in a week. . .and so on and so forth. . . don't change. We all have the same amount given to us. But we certainly don't all use it the same way.


I have been thinking more about TIME the last few days. . . Well, to be honest with you. . .I have been thinking about TIME for a very very long . . . well, TIME. :) I have wished for more TIME, to go back in TIME , and for TIME to speed up.
I struggle a bit with impatience sometimes. Right now, there are some great blessings in my life. . .but there are some great struggles as well. . . We all have them. I am trying to not wish this TIME away. I am trying to notice and appreciate the blessings all around me. I have 5 beautiful children and though it is difficult to be a single mom. .. it would be more difficult to just be single.. . So, though it's a struggle, I am grateful for it. I am grateful for them.


 I decided that my kids needed more of my TIME. . . One-on-one TIME is the best, but that is a tall order for a single working mom of five kids. Well, the other day a thought came to me and I liked it. . . 5 kids. . . 5 nights a week (Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday) after getting all the other kids to bed, I will let one of the kids stay up for about 30 minutes so we can spend some TIME together. Last night was Adam's Night. . .We played Moods, studied spelling and vocabulary words, talked about making his Pine Wood Derby car. . . and just talked for a bit. He went to bed with a happier smile than I've seen in awhile.
Tonight it was Sarah's Night. We played Moods (my kids love that game) and read a long bedtime story. .She gave me many kisses and hugs before heading off to bed. I am hoping for a happier feeling in my home
 and more favorable interactions among my children.


I also have my own personal TIME. . .I need to use it more wisely. I have many things that I love to do. . . But I don't do them that often. It is TIME to change that. It is TIME to become more creative and productive. I want to leave my mark on the world. I want to do something, in addition to raising my children, that makes a difference. I will come up with something. . . I will take the TIME to think about and plan ways to spend my TIME doing those things that I love and hopefully the things I do, other people will love too.


TIME. . . do some good with it. :) 

The Velveteen Principles

Last night I was talking to my friend, Sharon, who read an excerpt to me from one of her books, The Velveteen Principles. I am a book lover and I had heard of the Velveteen Rabbit - I have that book - but I had never heard of The Velveteen Principles. What she read to me made me get a little teary. . . yes, I am a girl and I've recently discovered that I cry like other girls. . . It's rather foreign to me still, but I am getting used to it. . .I am learning to be REAL. . . to be true to my emotions and not shy away from them. . . . Well, I went to Barnes and Noble today to purchase the book. . . but unfortunately, they didn't have it. . . BUT I did order it and it should be here this week. :) Oh, happy happy me. :)
Here is what can be read from the jacket of the book. . . . (I found it on Amazon.com just so I could share it here. Yes, I'm sweet to share.) :) hahahaha
       "There is a difference between superficial beauty and the inner beauty we all possess as unique human beings. One is the product of a materialistic culture, which reduces us to the things we own and the milestones we accomplish. The other is the result of a life well lived, where our struggles and challenges make us more lovable and truly ourselves. Inner beauty, the kind you can feel and others can see, is what happens when you stop chasing false ideals and become the REAL person you are meant to be. 
      The Velveteen Principles is a guide to becoming real - REAL with yourself, REAL with your hopes and desires, REAL with the people you love, and REAL with everyone else, too. Through the simple wisdom of a children's classic, this road map helps you strip off the trappings of the object culture and remember the things that make you unique, happy, and worthy of love. And it shows you that,  just as it was for the Velveteen Rabbit in Margery William's enduring fable, Real is a process that is sometimes intimidating and sometimes painful, but in the end far more rewarding than could ever be imagined. 
      In a time when the pursuit of instant gratification and the stress of daily life can swamp you and cause us to "break easily or have sharp edges", this book offers a safe and steady course toward peace, self-acceptance and true love.
     It is easy to lose our way. It is easy to forget the simple joys of life. But with the help of a wise old skin-horse and a sawdust-filled bunny, The Velveteen Principles will set you back on the course to Real and remind you that Real isn't something you become, it's something you already possess deep inside of you. and once you are Real, your life will be transformed." 
I AM SO EXCITED TO READ THIS BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                                                  Are you? . . . ARE you?! :) :) :)
 Never in my life have I wanted to be like everyone else. . . I liked being a bit different. There was one time, I guess now that I think of it,  several years ago, that I met a gal at church who, in my mind, was the perfect woman. . . and I decided that I wanted to be just like her. . ..  However, it didn't matter how hard I tried. . . I couldn't be her. . . I could only be me. And I have learned that being me, and you being you, is WONDERFUL!
I am going to be reading this book very soon. . . and when I have begun it. . . and until I finish it. . .I may share little tidbits here and there with you. :) If you read it, I want to know what you think about it. :)
Until then, go, be true to who you are. . . love what makes you different from the rest.
                                                                           Be Real :)

Justice?

Okay. . . I have some venting to do! A brief history first. . . When I was getting divorced things had gotten pretty bad at home with the way my former spouse was behaving. I needed to get myself and my kids out as soon as I could. My former spouse told me that he wouldn't help pay for the divorce and had taken over the finances (a job I'd done for 14 years) so I didn't have the means to pay for an attorney. I went to a legal document preparation place and the woman there drew up the papers for me. I didn't know what kind of numbers or anything else to put in the papers so I did something really foolish. ..  I asked my former spouse what to put on the divorce papers. I stupidly figured that he would be as fair to me as I would be to anyone else and I let the document lady know what to put in the papers. She looked at me funny but she could not, by law, give me any legal advice. I had my documents prepared and within a week, my kids and I moved. 

Well, shortly after moving I started to realize that it didn't matter how fair or how cooperative I was with my former spouse. . . He was NOT going to be that way with me. . . NOT AT ALL. He was very late with child support. . . every month, if he even paid anything at all. . . We were nearly evicted from our apartment a few times because I couldn't pay our rent (I was working but didn't make enough even for our $600 a month rent) and there were several times that my kids would be crying as they heard me talk to our apartment managers on the phone. .The kids would be crying about being kicked out and not having a home. I let their dad know about how distraught the kids were each month because we weren't getting child support on time. I let him know how the kids needed shoes or socks or underwear or coats and how I needed the child support for those things and yet nothing changed on his part. He would repeatedly change his plans for visitation. . . either being extremely late or changing the day last minute or just not showing up at all. 

I eventually reached my limit and knew that something needed to be done to fix this situation. Try as I might to figure out some of this legal stuff on my own. ..  I just didn't have the time or the quiet time necessary (I have 5 kids remember) to figure it all out. So I decided to seek for help. Eventually my plea on Facebook for help in understanding legal things was heard by my wonderful Aunt and Uncle. They told me that they had a wonderful law firm that owed them some money for services which my uncle had provided to them. So, I all the sudden had an attorney. MY PROBLEMS WERE FINALLY GOING TO BE SOLVED! . . . . .Or so I thought. Well, the first step was going to be to get a Change of Venue. Seems pretty simple to move my divorce from one state to another. Well, a month after I first talked to the attorney on the phone, still nothing had been done. I had tried to contact my former spouse to get some information from him but as always, he didn't respond. Within a week of having mentioned in a text to my former spouse about me having an attorney and needing some info from him to Change Venue I received some Change of Venue papers from HIM in the mail. I was very irritated about it considering that I had been trying to get my attorney to do it for a month and my former spouse found someone who got the paperwork off within a week. 

Before I go on and on about more stuff. . . I'll cut right to the chase. My uncle received a statement from the law firm for the amount of "work" the attorney had done so far and the bill was for $4300! It also said that there would be $2000-$3000 more in work. . .unless it goes to trial and then it would $20,000+!!!!!!!!!! My Uncle's $ in trade work had been used up. . .and for what?! What had they done? What had they accomplished?! A BIG FAT NOTHING! 

I had never understood all those lawyer jokes or snide comments UNTIL NOW! Now I am at a loss to know what to do to help myself and my kids through these legal issues. . . I am so disappointed with the attorney profession. I wish that I could be an attorney. . . so that I could not only help myself in this situation, but also so that I could help other people. . .so that I could REALLY help other people with their situation. .. not help them to clean out their bank accounts and their families bank accounts. 

When voicing my irritation about my attorney not accomplishing much, a friend told me something. . . "Lawyers will do anything they can to make the most amount of money by doing the least amount of work"

A truer statement was never spoken!

Now, the optimist in me believes that there must be at least ONE attorney, but hopefully more, that really works hard for their client and is fair with fees and such. 

I am one who wants so much to believe that people, in general, are good and honest and fair to their fellowmen. So, I have this plea. . . if anyone who actually makes it through reading this very long venting session knows of an experience in which an attorney was a real hero and not a real shark. .. I want to know about it. Leave me a comment to help restore my faith in attorneys. :) 

Seriously?

Post Number One! I suppose I should explain the post title. . . We all have stuff that goes on in our lives. . .a lot of good. . . but some stuff that's just not what we had planned. Everyone understands that. If you don't, you're not human. . .So all you non-humans, if you want to get a glimpse into a fairly normal human life you can keep reading. If not, get in that spaceship and get yourself off this rock I call home. :) Tee hee hee.
 Okay, back to the subject at hand. . . Today was just one of those days. . .you know, one of those days when you have a choice to make. You can choose to either cry because yet another thing happened you didn't want or didn't expect OR you can pull up your big girl panties and giggle while thinking one word, "Seriously?" But I won't bore you with details of all that Life -n- Stuff. . . . At least, not today. :)
 I started a blog last year when I moved back to the area of my youth. I had only written 2 posts when it became unexpectedly impossible to access again. . .Well, I can view it, I just can't add to it. . . Kind of obnoxious. So, I had to start all over. I took my own sweet time doing it, but at least I'm doing it now. :)
This is going to begin as kind of a journal or venting place for me. . . and I am sweet enough to let you read my ramblings. . .they will be many.
So, I will begin with a bit of a history of me. . . You can stop now if you like. . .But here goes.
My name is Emily. I have been full of dreams ever since I was a little girl. . . many of those dreams have never changed. . . The few that I will mention are those dreams/goals that are still a part of me. I want to be a singer, actress, writer, artist, designer (Not sure what I want to design, but I'd be GREAT at it) :)  and so many more things. I am a single mom of 5 kids. . . keeps me very busy! My children have gone to spend the weekend with their dad and his new wife which has left me in this little apartment all by my lonesome. . .I am dating the most wonderful man . . . but at the moment, he is busy at work. . . in China. I am a word game freak and if you are my friend on Facebook, you could challenge me to any word game and I'd be a giddy giggly gal. :) So, with this time to myself, I thought that I'd do something that I love to do. . . I am typing. . . Makes me happy. :)
 I have great hopes for my future and the future of my children. I am striving to find ways to support my family financially. . . on my own. It's a tough road so far. I have so many things that I feel I am good at and so many things that I love. I know I have to find a way to accomplish my goals on my own as it's unlikely that a box containing all the elusive answers and hints to success will magically appear in front of me. Though, wouldn't that be nice? Yes, yes it would.
I do voice work for the local radio station and I am hoping that one day I might actually get paid for it. No. . . One day, I WILL get paid for it. I have all kinds of ideas and I am working on getting over my fear of failure or my ignorance about where to begin. . . I suppose that is a kind of fear as well. . . and I have had enough of it. I am not getting any younger. . . but I AM getting happier. . .and that's how I like it.
I spent the evening out to dinner with my mom and a few other family members. Lovely Chinese food from the buffet. No, it really was good. But one of these days I need to branch out and try something other than the very familiar, tried and true dishes to which I always gravitate when going out to eat. I did eat an onion unexpectedly and I actually enjoyed it. That's quite the feat for me. I am maturing more and more with each onion that gets in my system. (My mom always told me that I would know I had matured when I learned to eat onions) :) My mom was there tonight and so I proudly announced to her that I had now finally reached maturity. :)
I suppose that on that note of my newly discovered maturity, I will show that natural responsibility of an adult and get ready for bed as it is nearing midnight. Oh naughty naughty, Emily! . . . A few word games first though.. . and THEN I will go to bed. Until next time. . . Pleasant dreams! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz